Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
