I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
