i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
