Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my sisters under your porch take her home
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
