At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
