The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize