I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
