So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
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You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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