I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
