i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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