You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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