It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wear drunk well.
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