Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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