My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
