More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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