I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
