the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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