my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if only i could text you this smell
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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