Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
