then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
