girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
