Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
