I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
