im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
