woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
