Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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