I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
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He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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