i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Randomize
