I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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