Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
