mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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