I am puke
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
