I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Randomize
