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• (503): View more from Oregon

  hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever

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• (619): View more from California

  there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before

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  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS

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• (956): View more from Texas

  found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...

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• (516): View more from New York

  oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.

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• (518): View more from New York

  So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately

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