you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
