We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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