Texts From Last Night

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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??

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  (618): Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking?? http://tfl.nu/g7y8
  Replies (42) Good night (4684) Bad night (1557)
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  (408): View more from California

  im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.

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  (408): im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college. http://tfl.nu/q0uk
  Replies (12) Good night (7467) Bad night (1119)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.

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  (610): You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift. http://tfl.nu/nll4
  Replies (8) Good night (4130) Bad night (1218)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.

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  (402): She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking. http://tfl.nu/91x5
  Replies (17) Good night (1973) Bad night (5636)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  no. you cant fuck a burger.

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  (215): dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house (1-215): no. you cant fuck a burger. http://tfl.nu/5325
  Replies (9) Good night (2698) Bad night (1143)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big

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  (401): votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big http://tfl.nu/248r
  Replies (15) Good night (2900) Bad night (913)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.

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  (615): There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night. http://tfl.nu/q563
  Replies (2) Good night (877) Bad night (1893)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch

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  (206): before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch http://tfl.nu/cp10
  Replies (14) Good night (2177) Bad night (834)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job

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  (435): For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job http://tfl.nu/nykr
  Replies (7) Good night (2267) Bad night (656)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me

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  (712): We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me http://tfl.nu/ga08
  Replies (2) Good night (1219) Bad night (1067)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.

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  (720): Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress. http://tfl.nu/3c0t
  Replies (4) Good night (1600) Bad night (600)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.

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  (561): You know I love you. I just don't love your penis. http://tfl.nu/4w11
  Replies (6) Good night (483) Bad night (1255)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.

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  (513): You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song. http://tfl.nu/yp8g
  Replies (0) Good night (327) Bad night (572)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.

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  (847): My fridge door just caught on fire somehow. http://tfl.nu/ond1
  Replies (2) Good night (287) Bad night (448)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.

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  (859): Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game. http://tfl.nu/aj7d
  Replies (2) Good night (364) Bad night (166)

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