awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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