Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
