I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
