tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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