i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
