kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You dont lie about slip and slides
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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