onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
