Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
