She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
