You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
