I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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