She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
