I got chris browned last night
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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