I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
