I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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