a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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