my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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