Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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