shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
