With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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