8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
