What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
