Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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