Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
