man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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