Well douche your snatch and let's go!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
