in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
