ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
