forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize