I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
