We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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