That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
