need another drink. this is the easiest way
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
