i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Soap is not a condiment
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
