I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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