This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
