just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
