I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You may now shotgun with the bride
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
