my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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