I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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