Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
