Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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