when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
