It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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