I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
