Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
