my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
