So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
