life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
