I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I've blown a few things in my day
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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