Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
