I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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