Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
