Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
